Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?
08.06.2025 11:11
Everybody who's experienced the breakup of a relationship, particularly a romantic relationship, will remember how much they wanted to hurt that other person's feelings as much as their feelings had been hurt by the person who dumped them, cheated on them, betrayed them, used them.
There are HUNDREDS of people on Quora who will sympathize with the emotions that are behind your question.
Even if your intentions are good because you are trying to protect somebody else you are still going to look like someone who is bitter, resentful, jealous, and envious because the narcissist is no longer in your life and they have moved on to start relationships with others.
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We all need a certain amount of attention— and one of the quickest ways that most people get to be the Center of Attention is to tell people interesting things!
Even if you have officially ended your relationship with this narcissist— you REALLY HAVEN'T— because right now you're interested in SECRETLY telling other people that person who deceived/hurt you is a Covert Narcissist.
Set yourself FREE!
Once you share information of ANY kind with someone, that information no longer belongs to you. It won't remain a secret for long, because human beings like to gossip.
Smear campaigns are another harmful tactic that all narcissists do to harm their victims DURING a relationship and AFTER a relationship is over.
That narcissist doesn't care who ended the relationship. They will ALWAYS believe in their mind and heart that THEY ended it.
Narcissts are as full of SPITE as a poisonous snake is full of venom.
Because YOU were the one who WAS HARMED BY THE NARCISSIST—while the narcissist walked away from that battle with you totally UNSCATHED.
Because you are ready to FIGHT in any way possible to maintain your Freedom and Independence.
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See where I'm going with this?
That's a basic fact of human nature.
You are starting a battle with an enemy who knows how to fight that type of a battle FAR BETTER THAN YOU DO.
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EVERY narcissist you will ever meet will NEVER HESITATE to inflict physical violence on somebody else when they get angry. Narcissists are relentless, brutal, sadistic, people who have NO CONSCIENCE AND NO REMORSE. So there is absolutely zero incentive for a narcissist to ever control their temper when they're angry.
So you are running a risk that the other person is going to believe that you have a toxic agenda of your own to poison their mind against this narcissist that they met and believe that they like and trust to some extent right now.
Try to get your anger, your resentment, your bitterness, and all of that Explosive Frustration under as much control as you possibly can—so that you DO NOT do something that will have Unintended Consequences which will be Self-Destructive to YOU in the long run.
Anytime someone CLAIMS that they need to tell somebody a SECRET (or share information that they want you to keep CONFIDENTIAL) that makes the other human being VERY CURIOUS and VERY EAGER to know what this SPECIAL, PRIVILEGED INFORMATION is all about.
It is ALWAYS extremely dangerous to try to expose ANY kind of a narcissist.
They are too entangled in that narcissist's Web of Deceptions.
If you know that you are NOT the type of person who will be as Valiant as whatever Warrior of either gender you admire in fiction or in history— then I urge you to be CAUTIOUS.
Because you COULD walk away— IF YOU WANTED TO— by ending a toxic relationship. But you CHOOSE not to.
So, YOUR INNER CONFLICTS continue to escalate the conflict with the narcissist—that you should be walking away from.
Otherwise that narcissist still has you entangled in their Web of Destruction like a poisonous spider that's just waiting for the right time to devour you— or attack you again because you are still the narcissist's prisoner.
Which just perpetuates the battle/conflict/war that you are STILL HAVING with this narcissist.
I understand that this is asking you to Put a Cork in a Volcano When it's About To Erupt— but your question concerns me—and I don't want to see you make a mistake which can backfire on you and literally SCORCH you (and maybe burn your life to pieces.)
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The ONLY WAY a victim of narcissistic abuse can ever WIN a battle with a narcissist of ANY kind is to END that TOXIC relationship, have no further contact OR CONCERN about that narcissist in any way.
HOW rhe secret information may impact you: emotionally psychologically, or physically— is of ABSOLUTELY NO CONCERN to the Secret-Teller who wants to UNBURDEN THEMSELVES by sharing this burden with YOU.
You have to focus on getting them out of your mind, your heart, and your life in every way possible.
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You're probably trying to communicate warnings to a person that you do not want to see harmed by that narcissist.
Every human being on this planet has an ego and it is always very difficult for a human being to accept the fact that they have LOST any kind of battle in life.
NOBODY wants to think of themselves as a Loser or a Failure.
How many wishes do people get on their birthday?
If that person you told the secret to WANTS TO REVEAL that secret— they can reveal it to the narcissist, and dozens of other people, if they want to.
Since the narcissist is the person that YOU and This Other Person both know, then odds are LIKELY the narcissist will be TOLD about whatever you are trying to communicate.
So why do you want to antagonize this narcissist: when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are going to vindictively retaliate against YOU like that poisonous snake??🐍
Haven't you noticed that human beings love the sound of their own voice and they crave attention?,
Secrets that are told to you will become a crushing burden on you.
You feel special and eager to help, because you really want to know what this is all about!!!
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I understand WHY you want Retribution or Revenge— because you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse.
Whether it's Malignant Narcissist, or Covert Narcissist, I guarantee you that narcissist is FAR BETTER at exploiting, manipulating, and harming people than you will ever be!
At first, the person may feel flattered— because they're being included to share in some sort of EXCLUSIVE Need To Know only situation. (That will make you feel like a spy in an exciting movie.
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Because you CONTINUE TO FOCUS ON the narcissist— and who that narcissist is involved with.
If you are the Defiant Type, who doesn't care about the consequences (good or bad) when you reach the point when you can't take it anymore— and you explode— then you MIGHT be in a much better position to handle the Fallout psychologically, emotionally, physically, and financially. (Because you will have the RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION inside of your soul that will make you believe/ know inside of yourself that YOU JUST WANT TO BE FREE from this narcissist— and you don't give a damn what happens after the point when you Declare Your Freedom.
There is a very ancient saying that says: The ONLY way two people can successfully keep a secret is for one person to kill the other person AFTER they tell them the secret.
People DON'T have to be narcissists to need attention.
EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY: a narcissists are VINDICTIVE in everything that they say and do.
THAT means you're still roasting in your own Self-Made Purgatory.
What you need to do BEFORE you take any kind of actions verbally (or in any other way) to expose the narcissist is:
I have been the victim of many narcissists. The abuse they perpetrated upon me has mangled my life.
But the fact of the matter is: ANY kind of conflict is a situation where you either win or you lose.
How do I know that?
So what you are deliberately doing is ANTAGONIZING AN ENEMY who has already PROVEN their ability to harm and destroy somebody with words and actions— just as if they would have a machine gun in their hands to blow other people apart.
There's plenty of stories here on Quora where victims of narcissistic abuse talk about the harmful Fallout of that outburst of anger/frustration.
You're going to cast just as much doubt on your motives as you are trying to cast doubts on the narcissist motives.
People like to talk.
Things that you say, the tone of your voice, and the expressions on your face will clearly let the other person know all of the negative emotions that you feel towards the narcissist who harm you.
My advice is: NEVER allow anybody to tell you ANY kind of secret no matter who or WHAT it involves.
Because most people who are already enthralled by a Malignant Narcissist or a Covert Narcissist will not really BELIEVE any warnings that you give them. BECAUSE they're still dazzled by the narcissist's fake charm, lies and deceptions.
Every victim of narcissistic abuse has gotten to that Volcanic Point of Frustration and Erupted in Anger at their tormentor.
What you fail to realize at that moment is: you are being exploited and manipulated by a person with a HIDDEN AGENDA that does NOT factor YOUR well-being into the equation WHATSOEVER.
This is how telling somebody about a narcissist's true nature can backfire on you. The other person will get defensive and want to protect the narcissist from what they perceive as YOUR smear campaign against the narcissist.
This person seems to be making YOU James Bond on a secret mission for the Queen or the King of the country, by divulging this special information TO YOU ONLY.
And the narcissist will make absolutely sure that they tell everyone that they meet that they ended the relationship with you because you are crazy, unworthy, or whatever other lie they CHOOSE to tell in order to start a smear campaign against you to ruin your reputation with others.
Or, WORSE: you are still so wrapped up in the turmoil—you can't figure out how to extricate yourself from all the chaos, and toxicity!
If you're the Defiant Type, who is a Warrior at heart: who tries to be compassionate—until they get fed up—then you have resigned yourself to the realization that Your Life is a Battlefield. Tou are going to have harrowing stories about how you fought Personal Battles— win or lose.
You can capitalize the word SECRETLY all you want for emphasis, but the fact of the matter is: you can NEVER control the actions or the behavior of another person.
One thing that most human beings do is Gossip.
You need to make this narcissist completely IRRELEVANT to you in every way, shape, and form— or you will never heal, you will never find peace of mind, and you will never truly be free.